The Butterflies

For the longest time, I have wanted to go through my old CDs of pictures and re-post some of the photos I lost when my old AMJ (A Mother’s Journal) site was hacked years ago. I had many things on another website. Years of things, actually!! I had recorded a lot of garden progress and many of our homeschool fieldtrips.

A few years ago, this endeavor would have brought tears. Many tears! There had not been enough healing from the years of abuse I endured in my old house. The house is gone now. It was torn down. Much of the garden went with it, and a new house and garden are there now. I don’t drive by there very often. It all belongs to someone else now.

Now I am able to look back on these pictures without as much sadness. A lot of unhappiness comes from talking to yourself about what “should be.” I am learning to live with the “what is.” Some things are out of our control. We should remind ourselves of that, and then have confidence in the power and beauty of what we have currently!

Here are a few pictures from a CD I pulled out this morning.

In these photos, there are butterflies and spiders. In one photo you can see a butterfly actually sitting near the bottom of my dress. There were always SO MANY butterflies!! I had just finished installing a large goldfish pond. It was a thriving little ecosystem, and I loved it so much!! I wonder what happened to all my huge goldfish when the house was razed. The new builders seemed to be taking care with things, so I am hopeful they were rehomed. The area around the goldfish pond became more and more lush as I added plants, pea gravel, etc. I am sure I will find more and more photos with this project.

My beautiful rue was always covered in parsleyworms and the garden had an abundance of black swallowtails.

There is a photo of a couple of my big boys, John and Joseph, helping their dad with something. It was a greenhouse for me, as a gift from my then-husband because I gave up my home business to go out and get “the best medical insurance I could find” so that he could have a heart procedure he needed. The structure sat partially finished for seven years. He spent most of his time away from the house with his hobbies. The structure was still partially finished when I left there. I wonder if you can see the tension in the boys helping their dad. It was not an easy situation to be in. I will give credit where it is due, my then-husband was the hardest working man I’d ever known, but nothing was ever easy.

There is a picture of my beautiful girl on a fieldtrip. She is wearing one of the boys’ hats. What a cutie she was, and still is!

Remember to live in the here and now! It is okay to look back, but don’t be dragged back into a place of mental fragility, pain, remorse and regret. Enjoy this day, enjoy art, be grateful.